I should start by saying: I wanted to die. Really badly.
I was raised in the church. I prayed to God begging him to end my life. I didn’t want to wake up with as much pain as I felt. I was miserable. No friends. Cried myself to sleep. The whole 9 yards.
Then I broke free. I changed schools. Clean slate. Made friends. It was awesome.
Got to college. Girls rejecting me like it was their job. Big deal. I learned to handle rejection. What I hadn’t learned: how to handle when a girl says she wants to date you but hold off on sex (with you), but doesn’t tell you she’s sleeping with other guys. Yes, that’s plural. As in, I was cheated on multiple times by girls who were sleeping with multiple other dudes.
How’d I know? Having a ton of friends (ears) on campus was helpful. But it burned. Honestly, I’m still not over some of it. I don’t know if I ever will be – I got serious trust issues.
Most of the girls I date now notice immediately, so I open up when they do. It’s whatever, I’m super honest. But the most astute of my friends/dates notice that despite my sometimes brutal honesty, I still don’t let anyone too close to me.
Some might say it’s because I have no heart left. Some just say I’ve locked it so far into the depths that no one can reach it. I’m still wondering who’s right. But I keep getting called ‘sweet’ by the girls I date, so it’s probably the latter (also, if I’m ‘sweet,’ what are other guys doing to you ladies? That’s a discussion for another time).
What I can tell you is that I am happy. It, obviously, has nothing to do with the women who cut me so deep I still wear the scars (as badges of honor now) even though I can’t remember most of their names (selective memory and a couple concussions – thanks football – come in handy with this). Or the dudes who made fun of me growing up. Where are they now? Nowhere special. Because they weren’t better than me then and they still aren’t better than me now.
This isn’t written for the kids who were bullies; it’s for the bullied. The broken. The downtrodden. The rejected. The lonely. The future of our world is in their hands.
You may not realize this, kid, but your pain is your greatest strength. It’s the pain you feel right now that will motivate you. It will drive you to greatness.
I’m quite serious. Which is rare. My defense mechanism is sarcasm. It’s how I keep people at a safe distance while letting them know a little bit about me. It’s how I make people laugh and, in turn, like me more.
Turn this pain into something more. So much more. You can do it.
So… anyway. How to be Happy? And not the cliche bullshit they tell you on mainstream sites and in therapy or what the fuck ever (I’ve never been. Don’t trust them more than I trust myself. So, I just meditate instead)
1 – Stop giving a fuck
Nobody’s opinion of you matters unless you let it. Don’t. Unless they like you. Then keep them around. Fuck everyone else.
2 – Find the silver lining
There always is one. Name the darkest thing that ever happened, I guarantee I can find a positive.
Your mom died (mine has leukemia, so I feel you)? Motivation. She taught you so much. She left to give you the inspiration you needed. Make something that lasts to immortalize her legacy.
Anything can be made into motivation to be better.
3 – LOVE
Just love people. It doesn’t have to be romantic, mushy gushy shit (I don’t even believe in that). I mean just love. Appreciate people for who they are.
Be there for them. Help them. Encourage them. They can be so much more. And so can you.
4 – Perspective
This is kinda like # 2, but whatevs. Yours isn’t always right. Nobody else’s is either. Just know that you choose how to perceive things. Self-awareness: it matters.
5 – Choose to be happy
It really is a fucking choice.
You can be mad about shit all the time. Or you can not be mad about it.
Trust me. I’ve been mad at everything before. A rebel without a cause… or friends. I was the “perfect” son, who wanted to be not perfect. Thankfully, I’ve failed many times since my formal education to take the bar down a notch or five (hundred).
Let the past go. Seriously. It ain’t gonna change or help you. Forget it.
Honestly, I needed to move states to get a clean slate and become who I knew I could be (had become but nobody noticed – people like to not change). If you need to do the same, do it. Don’t fret. You won’t be alone. Others have been broken and needed redemption in the form of a fresh start. You’re not the first, won’t be the last. Don’t take it too seriously.
Just be positive. There’s enough negativity in the world without your help. So don’t pile on.
Be different. Be happy. It’s way better. Trust me.
Someone who’s been both